Communicate Issues During Your Engagement

Dear Brides:

I’m very excited about your creating memories by having a wonderful wedding, reception, and a fabulous honeymoon. The truth is these events won’t help you deal with the issues you will face as you continue your life together.

Here is a funny statement I use when working with couples before they get married:

When a woman marries a man, she hopes he will change; but he doesn’t.
When a man marries a woman, he hopes she won’t change; but she does.

While this is funny, what does it mean? Usually, the guy is very happy with his bride, and he just wants life to go as it is. Let’s keep it simple. The woman, on the other hand, is always thinking ahead of how can we make things better and that usually includes her special guy. She has expectations shes dreamed about for years, and shes excited to bring them to reality.

The engagement period is a very important time to communicate your dreams, your goals, your expectations, and your concerns. It’s really the most ideal time to get to know one another and begin to communicate what you’re all about. It’s also a time to discuss issues and concerns that you both have, and your ideas of how to proceed together. The engagement period is a time when you’re both more eager and open to talk about these things.

For some brides, it’s easy to overlook your concerns and think over time he will change. You believe with all your heart that he will eventually “get it” or that he will someday listen to your concerns. If you start right out in the engagement period by communicating your heart, then you’re starting out with good habits of being upfront and honest.

Think about this: If you don’t address your concerns right away, then you are only enabling one another. And over time, this will only produce more frustration. I know people that I’ve counseled who have become angry after a number of years and the spouse was clueless or became stubborn by not understanding the problem.

As I’ve said before, as a woman, you have a lot of power if you use that power and charm in a positive way. He really wants to please you and you have to help him understand how he can. Before you say, I do, I suggest you ask yourself some honest questions.

For example, here are some honest questions to ask yourself in your relationship regarding communication with your guy:

• I can express my true feelings with my partner?
• Is my partner a very good listener?
• Does my partner understand how I feel?
• Is it easy for me to share negative feelings with my partner?

When I marry a couple, these are only four of the 165 questions they are asked on a marriage survey they take during the engagement period. Then we talk about each and every one. After we are done, the couple understand why it’s important to do this before you say, I do.

Many of the couples I’ve married also lived together before I married them. It didn’t matter because they had just as many issues and concerns that needed to be addressed.

The bottom line is you want to have a marriage that will stand the test of time and you can.

Until next time,

FarmerD