Need to Clarify Expectations in a Marriage

Categories: Marriage Tips

By Denny Freeman on June 19, 2017

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Dear Brides:

When people marry, they bring with them a hidden agenda of expectations. They’ve got a dream (usually based more on fiction than fact) of what their marriage will be like and what their partner will be like. Unfortunately, however, its these same expectations that create the hidden, painful surprises that will almost always spring up later. And that’s a fact of life. Not fiction.

What do you expect out of your marriage? Expectations are a critical issue in marriage. It’s hard enough to measure up to expectations when we know what they are, but it’s almost impossible when we don’t know what our mates expect.

To help you and your mate, talk about your expectations for the future. Here are seven areas to get you started: (This could really help you both to look ahead to the kind of future you both want to have. This could also lead to other areas that you may have an interest in talking about.)

Security: The knowledge of permanence in the relationship and financial and material well being.
Companionship: Having a friend who goes through all the joys and sorrows of life with you–a soul partner.
Sex: The oneness that comes through physical intimacy, the initiation, and enjoyment of a growing physical relationship.
Understanding and tenderness: Experiencing regularly a touch, a kiss, or a wink across the room says, “I love you. I care. I’m thinking of you.”
Encouragement: Having someone verbally support and appreciate your work and your efforts with the children, in providing financial security, running a household, and so on.
Intellectual closeness: Discussing and growing together in common areas of intellectual thought.
Mutual activity: Doing things together, such as political involvement, sports, church, work, and hobbies.

Seeing what your partner values, and what he/she thinks you value should go a long way toward clarifying the expectation issue in your marriage.

Until next time,

FarmerD