Are you a Peace Keeper or Truth Teller?

Dear Brides,

Because communication is a major element in marital happiness, lets look at how we talk to one another. Feeling that your understood by your partner and learning how to be understood by your partner are very important especially during times of conflict.

Happy couples are more likely to resolve differences and agree on a process of how to address conflict. As I have said before, conflict is normal and doesn have to damage a relationship. Problems arise when couples don know how to manage conflict, so they use it destructively.

Speaking about our relationship in our earlier years, Sandy was more of a peace keeper and I was more of the truth teller. It was out of balance because it became more my way which was very unhealthy. As Sandy learned to speak up in love and I learned that her voice was important in our relationship, we become more unified and together in our journey.

Two kinds of people are in the world and probably in your home, family, and life:

• Peace keeper.
• Truth teller.

Peace keepers think in terms of kind and unkind, considerate or inconsiderate, good and bad manners, polite and impolite, and oh yes, don forget nice or not nice. Whenever they hear or see their spouse, child, friend, or co-worker missing the mark in some way, they tend to let it go and avoid confrontation often at all costs.

They
e quite different from the truth-teller, because its difficult for peace keepers to speak up. This is often because they are more concerned about keeping the peace than confronting the issue. As a result, too often things are left unresolved. Peace keepers tend to avoid things that need confrontation, and the issue is often the fear of saying it the wrong way.

Truth tellers are individuals who think much more about what is right and wrong, good and bad, in line or out, success or failure, and on track or off track. When they see their spouse, child, friend, or co-worker missing the mark in some way, its not difficult to speak up and say something. Unfortunately at times, they may go too far, exerting their will in awkward ways. For truth-tellers, however, the real issue is: something needs to be confronted.

Every relationship, especially in a marriage relationship needs grace, peace, and truth. The key is to walk in both with love and respect. In my next letters, I will talk about this topic more. In closing remember:

Men handle truth best when it is communicated respectfully. And women handle truth best when it is communicated lovingly.

Until next time,

FarmerD