Are You Discussing Money Issues as a Couple?

Dear Brides:

As a new couple, one of the defining issues will be your approach to money. Its estimated  we spend up to 80% of our waking hours earning money, spending money, or thinking about money. A survey conducted by American Express Financial Advisors revealed that 66% of Americans spend more time thinking about money and careers than they do about sex, health, and relationships.

What’s more, financial issues are the most common source of stress for couples and families. Money problems are now second only to infidelity as a cause of divorce. I hope I got your attention with that last sentence! Understanding the issues of money can really benefit you as a couple.

Compared to the 1950’s, people in the United States in 2000 owned twice as many cars and drove 2-1/2 times more every year. In fact, the word “more” accurately describes much of how our lifestyles and possessions have changed over time. We drive more vehicles, spend more time at work, watch more television, spend more time shopping, produce more garbage, spend more money, and have more debt than any generation in history.

Consumerism interferes with interpersonal relationships by replacing the normal commonsense desires for an adequate supply of life’s necessities–commonly, exchanging a stable family and healthy relationships with an ongoing quest for things. Even in marriage, money as a basis for success and happiness is sure to disappoint.

The Top Five Financial Problems in Our Survey of 50,000 Couples.

• I wish my partner was more careful in spending money.
• We have trouble saving money.
• We have problems deciding what is important to purchase.
• Major debts are a problem for us.
• Credit card use has been a problem for us.

Spenders and savers are the two classic money personalities. The top financial conflicts are over this issue. Most partners don discover until after marriage how different their spending and saving styles are. The greater the difference in styles, the greater the potential for conflict over money. 

So why is this so important? On one end of the continuum are people who seem to throw money away. These spenders love to spend money on themselves and others. They
e usually spontaneous, extroverted, and less organized. On the other end of the continuum are people who compulsively save money. These savers may feel anxious about spending money or worry there won’t be enough. The classic saver personality type is conservative and very organized. Many people are somewhere in the middle.

Happy and successful couples come into agreement on how to spend and save money.

Earl Wilson once said: “Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit card gas.” The average American has nine credit cards and $27,000.00 dollars in credit card debt. If not immediately paid off, they
e paying for their purchases two and three times the sticker price.

I suggest to the couples I marry to live on 80% to 90% of their take-home income and put the rest in savings. For example, if you saved $1.00 per day or $30 dollars a month or $360 dollars a year at 10% interest, youd end up with $6195.00 after 10 years, $22,968.00 after 20 years, $68,379.00 after 30 years– that’s using only a dollar-a-day ratio!

The bottom line: money is only a tool. You can make a conscious choice to give it less emotional power in your life. The following list helps you do this by reinforcing the fact that money cannot buy the most important things life has to offer. For example, money can buy a house but not a home. A bed but not sleep. Books but not intelligence. Food but not an appetite. Medicine but not health. Flattery but not respect. Companions but not friends. Amusements but not happiness.

I usually ask those I marry these three questions:

• Where are you now?
• Where would you like to be?
• How do you get there?

The answer? Together! Together, you can accomplish your goals and together, live out your dreams.

Until next month,

FarmerD