Avoid These Negative Withdrawals in Your Relationship

Dear Brides:

Almost everything you do affects your mate, sometimes subtly while other times, overtly. But whatever you do, it’s making either love deposits or love withdrawals.

Lets discuss those negative withdrawals that can drive couples apart. The lifestyle you create with the decisions you make will make or break your marriage. If you make decisions that take each other’s feelings into account, you will create a healthy lifestyle.

I believe the three most common withdrawals are demands, disrespect, and stubbornness which all can lead to anger. Oh, I know many others exist, but these three all have something in common–they have a negative effect on your relationship. If your annoying habits and independent behavior are left unchecked, they will make you impossible to live with.

The goal of every couple should be to foster open communication, trust, and a caring attitude for one another. And as I have said before, many of these conversations should happen before you say “I do”.

For example: you should respectfully discuss your mates behavior that bothers you. And vice a versa, by asking your mate if a certain behavior of yours bothers them. A behavior repeated without much thought that bothers your mate is called an annoying habit. Annoying habits include personal mannerisms, such as the way you eat, the way you clean up, and the way you talk.

Habits and activities define your lifestyle and can either be enjoyable or detrimental. Many times, these habits are minor issues that eventually drive your mate crazy and affects the relationship.

Selfish demands that benefit you at your mate’s expense is a poor habit. This behavior only gets worse if left unchecked. Its really a power play and everyone usually loses in the end.

The solution is respectfully explaining to your mate what you would like and allowing your partner the option of granting or denying your request. This sounds simple and basic, but developing these healthy communication habits now can produce great benefits in your future. But having poor habits in communication now can grow into greater problems in the future.

Disrespectful judgment is attempting to “shape up” your mates attitude, beliefs, and behavior by trying to impose your way of thinking through lecture, ridicule, threats, or other forceful means. I remind the couples I counsel to avoid becoming a parent to their mate when they have a conflict or disagreement.

When you become angry with your partner, you threaten their safety and security-you fail to provide protection. You
e using anger to protect yourself because it offers a supposedly “simple” solution to your problem-destroy the troublemaker. If your mate turns out to be your troublemaker, you will find yourself hurting the one you promised to cherish and protect.

Remember, in your relationship you can be your mate’s greatest source of pleasure, but you can also be their greatest source of pain, especially if you let negative behaviors go unchecked.

Until next time,

FarmerD