Difference Between Men and Women in Communication

Categories: Marriage Tips

By Denny Freeman on July 2, 2018

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Dear Brides:

When doing marriage counseling, I have noticed a distinctive trend among couples that come to me. The guys are very careful and I can tell that they would love to be somewhere else than sitting in front of me. The woman is usually very involved and trying to figure out what is going on inside her guy–what is he thinking?

As a woman, she wants to talk about things. She wants to have her issues and problems out in the open for discussion, in order to solve them.

Her guy, however, is not so sure about all this conversation. He’s being very careful. “Nothing is wrong,” he says, but he’s very hesitant to talk about what he’s thinking and feeling.

As a woman, she wants to figure it out. She longs for his love, which she experiences by connecting openly with his heart.

As an example, my wife, Sandy, has a best friend and they usually have dinner every Tuesday evening. I usually take my 97-year-old mom out for dinner, and then take her shopping afterwards on that same night.

I make a comparison to the words spoken between my wife and Mary during their time together to be in the thousands. My mom does a great job talking and I spend most of the time responding one way or another.

The point Im making Brides is: It’s very hard for your guy to keep up with you. He needs to understand why men and women are different in this way. And he also needs to realize why it’s important to you that he shares his world with you.

During those first months of dating, both of you have been totally open, sharing your dreams, yearnings, fears, and failures. You spoke heart to heart and his openness was something you could literally feel. You felt each other’s love.

So what happens to the typical males “openness” once he is married? During courtship, the guy was seeking to discover the woman of his dreams. It was like a hunting adventure. Once he concluded that she was his dream come true, contentment set in. He no longer felt the need to share and be open.

In fact, he preferred simply being together, shoulder-to-shoulder, and saying very little. He didn’t understand that his openness during courtship was spelling love in big letters to her and his transparent talk energized her. Now that he is married, the hunt is over. He doesn’t understand her need for him to be open, to simply talk to her, and share with her.

Brides, the key is you! You can get discouraged, frustrated, and give up on your guy or you can learn how to help him continue on the adventure of being open and sharing his heart and world.

In the next few letter, I’ll try to give you some ideas on how you can keep him open and involved.

Until next time,

FarmerD