Dear Bride,
I’m preparing to marry my nephew and his fiancee this summer. During the premarital counseling session, we discussed a communication exercise they could do to keep their relationship strong. One effective way is to have good communication every day. But what do we mean when we talk about having good communication?
Yes, it’s talking, but it also means to be understood. It’s knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. What I’ve learned in eighty years is to know when to keep my mouth shut. You see, it’s learning that communication is talking “with” my wife, not talking “at” her. Proverbs 18:13 (NIV) says: “To answer before listening-that is folly and shame.”
When I was a young husband, I was big on talking and very short on listening.
So, in this letter, I have questions for you and your partner to answer that will reveal how effective your communication is. But here is the real question: Do you really want to know how your partner truly feels? Then ask each other to be honest before you answer each question.
You see, we all love to answer each question based on what we’d like the answer to be. But the answer to each question is, do you agree or disagree with each question.
So, let’s begin.
- My partner rarely understands how I feel.
- I wish my partner was more willing to share his/her feelings with me.
- I am very satisfied with how my partner and I communicate.
- When we have a problem, my partner often refuses to talk about it
- My partner is a very good listener.
- It is difficult for me to share negative feelings with my partner.
- At times it’s hard for me to ask my partner for what I want.
- I can express my true feelings to my partner.
- Sometimes, I have trouble believing everything my partner tells me.
- My partner sometimes makes comments that put me down.
Well, how did you do? I trust that you both had honest communication over these ten questions. I trust that over the years, you’ve learned a few things about this word “communication”. Like me, we’re always learning because that’s the way it is in the Game of Life.
If you want to dive deeper, here is a link to another article about communication from a Christian perspective: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/devotional-communication-and-conflict/