How to get your man to listen and not fix you

Categories: Marriage Tips

By Denny Freeman on June 18, 2018

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Dear Brides:

Over the years, Ive had my ups and downs with being a good listener. The first question I have for Sandy is, am I in trouble? Usually the answer is no, but I have to ask.

The second question is the more important one. Do you need a solution or a listening ear? I’ve learned the hard way that my wife of 55 years doesn’t need me to fix her problem or her, but wants me to listen. When she can share the problem– big or small– she feels better. She goes away feeling understood and loved–this is a good thing!

In the past, I had tried to “fix her” or come up with a solution, and shed get frustrated. Shed say, “Don’t try to fix me, but listen to me.” What she wanted was for me to listen and care about her.

I’m sharing this with you as a woman, so you can share this with your guy. As men, we try to fix things because that’s the way we think. He will appreciate your help in seeing how you need him to respond in life.

As men, we believe we help others by solving their problems. When a woman comes to her partner with a problem, she isn’t coming because she wants him to solve it. In fact, in many cases, she knows exactly what she needs to do. But, she’s coming to share, feel understood, and communicate at an entirely different level.

Men need to communicate for one reason: they exchange information. Men think this way:

Get to the facts.
Share opinions.
Come to some conclusion.

So when a wife comes up and says, “Can we talk?” The husband responds, “What about?” Then she says, “Oh I don’t know. I just need to talk.” He begins to think something is wrong and he may be in trouble. Unless he understands this need for you to just talk and share, he may always feel uncomfortable.

Remember, women love to talk to release their emotions. Women need to release some of their feelings, and it really can’t wait until tomorrow or the next day. Women need to talk to realize their feelings.

Dear Brides, I’m sharing these differences in men so you can know and realize why men are different especially in the ways we communicate. Understanding and learning together are powerful tools to keep your relationship close and intimate.

Until next time,

FarmerD