Know A Secret to Lasting Love

Dear Brides:

In my last letter, I was pretty tough on romantic love, and in this letter I will try to explain why. Romantic love is like most love relationships–it’s usually based on conditions. “I love you because you love me.” “I’ll rub your back if you’ll rub my back.” I know that doesn’t sound very romantic but hear me out.

Think about the mystery of love. A couple at the wedding altar promises to marry for better or for worse and for richer and for poorer until death do us part. Then five years later, they come to hate each other and get a divorce. Isn’t that kind of crazy? So, what happened? Did they just fall out of love? Is that why over 50% of married couples end up getting a divorce?

We have to face up to the question: “Where does all the resentment and anger come from when you consider how it all started?”

We have to ask the question: “Can a couple fall in love and stay in love?” And the answer? Yes! We believe we can because God has created us to not only fall in love but to stay in love. Yes, he created marriage. But, how do we do it?

It would be much easier if we both entered the relationship with a healthy and happy heart, but most of us have some wounds and baggage along the way. Also, we may not have had the most perfect role models as an example to point the way.

Think about the dating and engagement process. Usually the couple is very careful with each other, trying to impress and understand the relationship. It stands to reason they are usually more patient with one another.

But, after a few months, they have a few bumps. Where did those feelings and emotions come from? She makes me so mad. You make me act that way. On and on it goes.

They blame one another for the tense feelings causing negative emotions in the relationship. But part of the problem is from what’s inside each of their heart. All of us have wounds and baggage in our hearts that are challenged when we enter an intimate relationship.

Ok, Farmer D, what is your solution? It doesn’t sound very encouraging.

First of all, we have to realize that the God of the Bible created humans and he designed a way to enjoy happy and healthy relationships with others. The Bible states that God is love. That word is best understood as we hear what he says about love.

In John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, {you and I } so much that he gave his one and only Son for us.”

Why? Because he love us! He loves us without conditions. Whether your white or black, tall or short, or nice or mean.

He loves you, period.

It’s hard for us to understand a love like that because as humans we usually love others conditionally. Even in families, we have a tendency to show our love more when our children mind or agree with us. Gods love for his human race is always constant and the same.

Jesus came and modeled that same kind of love by loving the unlovely when he walked on the planet. In John 13:34, Jesus gave his followers a new commandment before he was crucified. He told his followers: Love one another as I have loved you, so others will know you’re my true disciples.

What he was saying was to change love from a noun to a verb. In other words, love without conditions. Its called unconditional love. It’s deciding to love others, especially your partner without any conditions.

FarmerD, will that help my relationship with my partner? I’m sure it will but that’s not the important thing. Your responsibility is to love and let the results end up as they may.

FarmerD, if I love this way, will others take advantage of me? They might! But love them anyway.

As an example, I am married to a woman who loves me without conditions and I would do anything for her. If fact, this is the way we approach our marriage relationship. Is it perfect? No. But since we’ve decided to love each other this way, our relationship is better than it’s ever been.

In our next letter, I will give you some examples about this type of love for better understanding.

Until next time,

FarmerD