What a Man Can Learn From the Porcupine

Categories: Marriage Tips

By Denny Freeman on October 9, 2017

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Dear Brides,

Do you want to live with a porcupine?

After reading this post, you just might!

Do you want more intimacy in your relationship?

Many wives and husbands are starving for more intimacy in their lives and in their marriage. Intimacy is realized when sufficient trust and openness occurs, so that you can express your inner needs, hurts, dreams, and desires to your partner comfortably and confidently.

Imagine discussing your emotional needs with your partner without any fear?

When couples develop a safe atmosphere to share, it does more than merely warm their relationship. Something greater occurs: souls connect and two lives have a chance to unite and mesh.

Intimacy cannot be forced, coerced, or demanded. No button can be pushed that will magically cause your partner to share thoughts, concerns, feelings, and longings. Intimacy is like precious diamonds that must be mined out. Proverbs 20:5 (NIV) says, “The purpose of a persons heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”

Men and women need intimacy. They need to feel connected. Dr. Gottman, a relationship researcher and therapist says, “Women need to emotionally connect to have sex, and men need to have sex in order to feel emotionally connected.” Learning to understand each other and seeing through each others lenses can bring the reality of oneness into the bedroom both emotionally and physically.

The Porcupine Principal:

Few people in the world have studied marriages and the marriage relationship more than Dr. John Gottman. In his studies, he watched films of nearly every animal having sex. None of the animals looked like they were having a whole lot of fun except for the porcupine.

The male porcupine faces an unique challenge. If he wants to have sex with his female counterpart, he can approach too quickly. If her quills are up, hell get terribly hurt, even injured. So, what he does is quite amazing:

He simply sits down and faces the female. Then, he carefully places his paws on the sides of her face and strokes it very slowly and gently. He does this over and over again, patiently it seems. After a while, he goes behind her to see if her quills have settled down. Once her quills are down, the sex can proceed without injury to either of them.

I guess you could say, men could learn a great deal from the male porcupine about intimacy and foreplay. In fact, Gottmans research found that men who learned emotional attainment got what they wanted from their relationship with less fighting and more sex.

As Ive said before, sex for a woman starts in the morning and is all about the relationship. I compare you to a slow cooker. Teach your partner, the microwave, that he can really learn something important from the porcupine that will benefit both of you.

Until next time,

FarmerD