Dear Brides:
And they lived happily ever after:
They were the cute, contented couple people loved to be around. “They look so happy together,” said their friends and family. “Both were cheerful, positive with good attitudes, and ready to get married.”
Their romance was like a fairy-tale. The couple were introduced to each other by friends who promised, “You will be perfect for each other.” They quickly fell in love and made plans for their big wedding.
Then the marriage…
What happened? Where did things go wrong?
The couple said: “We went into the marriage expecting we’d be so happy.” Unfortunately, they set themselves on a path that leads to a downward spiral.
Since they believe they’d be happier with someone than alone, they teamed with a partner with an expectation to make each other supremely happy.
For many people, this pursuit of happiness becomes the primary purpose of life and marriage.But what happens when the couple are no longer happy in the marriage? This focus on unhappiness can lead to disappointment, frustration, and comparison to other marriages perceived to be happier.
Suddenly, the normal challenges of life are considered serious dangers to the relationship. Sometimes, marital unhappiness becomes a potential justification for emotional distance, affairs, or divorce.
Then people often say things like:
“This isn’t what I had in mind.”
“I’ve fallen out of love with my partner.”
“I didn’t sign up for this.”
“We’ve grown apart.”
When I marry a couple, during the ceremony, I usually say, “For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health,” which implies that’s what the future may entail.
Having kids is wonderful, but it takes a lot of hard work. Living within a budget sounds easy, but it takes effort. Learning how to live closely with another person takes patience, a lot of give and take, and understanding.
So rather than focusing on happiness, learn how to experience joy in your marriage, even amidst difficulties.
Two questions to answer:
- Why are you getting married?
- What do you want your marriage to be primarily about?
Two tips to consider:
- Don’t look to your spouse as the source of your happiness, but as a partner in your journey of life.
- Your relationship is characterized by an intimate friendship.
God created you and brought you together for this married journey. Your marriage is a vehicle to share moments of joy, passion, and pleasure. The gift is also a vehicle to share moments of sadness and sorrow together.
Simply put, you and your spouse have an opportunity to experience the deepest form of friendship and love there is.
The marriage of your expectations, or the marriage you have experienced so far, be it good or bad, isn’t the end of the story. You are in the middle of writing a love story with your partner and with God. It’s a journey where you get to write your part. My hope is you find a marriage relationship filled with meaning and purpose.
Until next time,
Farmer D
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