Whats Your Emotional Level as a Couple?

Categories: Marriage Tips

By Denny Freeman on September 25, 2017

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Dear Brides,

When I marry a couple, I use a survey where the couple answers 165 questions addressing several areas. The survey has no right or wrong answers, but helps identity whether a couple are in agreement with the questions asked. After they finish the survey, my job is to help them understand where they are in these areas.

I call it helping their “emotional level” with each other. Its a key element of a healthy relationship and marriage. If couples learn how to create an emotional environment together, they feel truly relaxed and comfortable with each another. Typically, the couples who are the most hostile, distant, angry, or disengaged, feel the least emotionally safe.

What is an “emotional level” in a marriage? Im so glad you asked. I define this as the comfort level each person feels for the other and the degree they know the other. I assess several aspects of the couples emotional level in the relationship:

Respect
Trust
Feeling prioritized
Feeling Heard
Understanding
Validation
Empathy
Love

I bring this to your attention because having a healthy relationship is usually more of a concern and priority with the brides. Its normally up to you to help your guy understand why “emotional level” is an important element in your relationship.

For example, here are some questions to help you understand these aspects of where you are in your emotional level with your partner.

Respect: How much do you feel respected by your partner?
Trust: How much do you trust your partner?
Feeling Prioritized: How high do you feel on your partners priority list?
Feeling Heard: How well do you feel your partner listens to you?
Understood: How much do you feel understood by your partner?
Validation: How much do you feel validated by your partner?
Empathy: How much do you feel empathy from your partner?
Love: How much do you feel loved by your partner?

By asking yourself these questions, you should have a clear idea where your “emotional level” is with your partner. Also, realize its during the engagement period that is a good time to bring up these questions, so you can grow together in your emotional level.

If you want further help with these issues, I suggest contacting a pastor or marriage counselor. I highly recommend going through pre-marital counseling before you get married.

Until next time,

FarmerD