Why Closeness and Flexibility Are Vital Ingredients in a Successful Marriage

Dear Brides:

In the survey by Prepare & Enrich, they discovered that closeness and flexibility are very important in helping couples to have successful, happy marriages.

So what does it mean to have a close and flexible relationship?

Our fast-paced lives require a greater need to be flexible. Couples need to adopt “open to change” roles that are defined, but flexible. For example: youll need to clearly define who will leave work to pick up a sick child at school, but provide for flexibility in case the designated partner is unable to pick up the child on a particular day. Flexibility helps couples adapt to challenges today and thereby maintain a happy marriage.

Closeness is a powerful prediction because happy couples have learned not only to pursue their own interests, but how to reconnect with their partner. Closeness describes how emotionally connected you feel to your partner. It describes your ability to balance separateness and togetherness-your private space and your intimate connection. Finding the right balance between separation and togetherness is the key to healthy couple and family closeness and leads to great happiness for a couple.

Strengths Of Happy Couples Regarding Closeness:

1.We feel very close to each other.

2. Our togetherness is a top priority.

3. We enjoy spending our free time together.

4. We ask each other for help.

5. We find it easy to think of things to do together.

These are two extremes of being connected:

• I do my own thing and you do your own thing, vs. we do everything together.
• Im not in this world to live up to your expectations, vs. Im here to meet all your needs and expectations.

You can see here that we need a balance. Too much either way can steer a relationship into troubled waters.

Strengths Of Happy Couples Regarding Flexibility:

• We compromise when problems arise.
• We make most decisions jointly.
• Both of us are able to adjust to change when necessary.
• We are creative in handling our differences.
• We share leadership equally.

A common problem for couples coming for counseling is: they disagree on how much closeness and flexibility they want in the relationship. During the dating process, these two issues are hard to sort out because you’re spending your time just getting to know each other.

Movies and tv shows often portray unbalanced couples and families because they
e trying to be more dramatic, interesting, and sometimes comical. So, usually they
e not very realistic or healthy examples of how a couple or family should act.

Suggestions to increase Closeness.

• Spend quality time together and not just watching tv. Do something where you are interacting with each other such as dancing or bowling.
• Plan and dream together. Create a list of things youd like to do together now and in the future.
• Find a hobby or recreational activity you can share with one another.
• Be careful that your outside interests don’t take away from “our time” together.
• Share leadership and roles together.

In closing, Sandy and I after fifty-four years of marriage are exploring new activities to do together. Weve traded some of our golf time for dancing lessons, and we
e enjoying this together. Also, Im learning how to help her around the house. So, after fifty-four years, Im learning how to make the bed each day.

Until next time,

FarmerD