Key to Marriage Success: Point the Finger At Yourself

Categories: Weddings

By Denny Freeman on October 29, 2018

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Dear Brides:

How is that two people can stand at an altar and swear on their lives that they’ll love each other forever til death do us part, and then absolutely hate each other five years down the road? Not just that, but they hate each other more than any other individual on the planet. Isn’t that just weird?

Or think about this: Why is there even such a thing as domestic violence? Those two words shouldn’t even be together. Domestic means home—where we live together, laugh together, and raise children together. Violence means “hurt” in a terrible way. Why should these even exist in a home?

Here’s something else to consider. If you know people who are getting divorced, and you ask why, they’ll probably say, “We don’t love each other anymore.” They were once in love, but not any longer. If you ask, “Do you think you’ll be in love with someone again in the future?” They’ll probably both answer “yes.”

Now suppose you tell them, “Here’s a great idea–why don’t you just fall in love with each other, again?” They’ll probably say, “You don’t understand; it’s not that simple.” They’re right. It’s not that simple. But why isn’t it?

One of the problems in having a healthy marriage relationship is we bring baggage from relational hurts in our past. And that baggage will influence the way we experience our marriage. The emotional bumps and bruises from these difficult past experiences will inevitably spill out in our present relationship including our marriage.

That’s why we’re given these words of wisdom from Proverbs 4:23 (NIV). “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” We guard our hearts by paying careful attention to what’s going on inside us.

It’s no secret. We’re good at monitoring our partner’s behavior, but we’re horrible at monitoring what’s really happening in our own hearts.

We want our partner to do everything and be everything to meet our emotional needs. We fail to realize how much the condition of our own heart determines that satisfaction. A healthy, intimate marriage relationship is “impossible” without our hearts being in good shape. That’s why we have to monitor them.

We may learn that because of the condition of our own heart, we are a part of the problem. What I’m suggesting is: look inside your own heart first before you point your finger at the other person.

What Im suggesting is to take responsibility for your own attitude, your own happiness, your own life, and the part you play in your marriage and relationships.

Until next time,

FarmerD