What Keeps the Fires Burning in Your Marriage?

Categories: Weddings

By Denny Freeman on October 15, 2018

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Dear Brides:

I have been asking couples, both young and old: “What keeps the fires burning in your marriage?” They always start out with something like, it hasn’t always been easy. Successful marriages aren perfect, but theyve learned to work through their difficulties and issues.

The falling in love is easy enough–most of us have done it a number of times– hopefully with our partner. But the staying in love, now that’s another matter.

I guess that’s why so many couples are choosing to live together without making a commitment. Whether it’s being married or simply living together as couples, we want doses of respect, encouragement, comfort, security, support, acceptance, approval, appreciation, attention, and affection. We come into a relationship feeling our own deficits in many areas and expecting our partner to make up for them.

I asked our granddaughter and her husband what they learned these past four years since theyve been married. She stated that marriage is very hard and we had to work through our differences together. She suggested it would be a good idea if a couple had a more experienced couple or someone to go to as a mentor for accountability and help. I agree it would be wonderful to have someone you could open up with and trust with your problems and issues.

Her husband stated that hes learning to give up his rights. When we talked about this more, he meant that he’s learning to work together more as a couple for better solutions. It’s learning how to make decisions together. I call it a win-win situation.

In many weddings, the favorite reading is from 1 Corinthians 13 called the love chapter. Love is patient and kind, not envious or boastful or proud or rude or self-seeking or easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs.

In other words, these are all characteristics of love.

I really like what my granddaughters husband is trying to do: giving up his rights to better serve his wife. It doesn’t sound glamorous but for their marriage and relationship, it’s working out very well.

It’s important to remember, we can’t have it both ways in marriage. If we hold onto our rights and what we think we deserve, we sacrifice the quality and intimacy of our relationship. Instead, we need to adopt Paul’s kind of love because this is what facilitates a deeper love and dedication in marriage.

Until next time,

FarmerD